By Dale St. Marthe
1. That Whole “Covfefe” Shindig
Ma, your president was up drunk tweeting and actually typed out “covfefe”, then fell asleep in the Oval Office mid tweet.
— alcoholicstepmom (@antifleezus) May 31, 2017
Today we will dip our toes into the acid pit that is white Twitter.
This is only happening because of what happened May 31st on Trump’s twitter that was so incredibly important that all of Twitter was in frenzy. Get this; Trump released a tweet that said “Despite the negative media covfefe,”…and that’s it. Then he proceeded to delete that tweet about 5 hours later in order to release another tweet:
Who can figure out the true meaning of “covfefe” ??? Enjoy!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 31, 2017
And then white twitter went wild.
We’re saying white twitter because honestly, only white twitter would go all out on some dumb typo junk to spice up their dull timelines. We’ve got people changing their twitter names to incorporate “covfefe” somewhere, there are restaurant signs spelling “coffee” as “covfefe.” One Trump Supporter even got it tattooed:
— Xiaxue ♥‿♥ (@Xiaxue) May 31, 2017
This is dimension tearing levels of tomfoolery both on her end and on white Twitter’s end. You can’t help but get the feeling that this is some huge machination to distract us from all the other blunders Trump is doing in office.
2. Columbusing The Beauty Supply Store
Why y’all always late with everything? & stop Columbusing. This is a bonnet. I ought to let y’all get scammed $50 for a bonnet. 😭 pic.twitter.com/Pkmbmw3YBZ
— NANA JIBRIL 🌙🏳️🌈 (@girlswithtoys) May 29, 2017
Petition to add “Columbusing” to the dictionary because there will always be so many applications for it.
For instance, white women love columbusing Black women’s fashion. What we’re wondering is why would a white woman need a $50 bonnet? They could literally wake up, brush their hair over once, and have straight hair, very low maintenance. You could buy a year’s worth of bonnets with $50 that will function comparably well. Or you know what? Maybe we should let them scam themselves.
Me in the cut with my $1.50 silk bonnet from the beauty supply store watching white women get scammed pic.twitter.com/Y7egizvwA5
— rosechocglam (@rosechocglam) May 28, 2017
It’s because of that “Mulberry” color I bet.
Generation to Generation pic.twitter.com/xzFKb8igXg
— Just London⚡️🇭🇹 (@BigLondon_) May 22, 2017
Now this right here is art.
If you’re Black, or if you like Marvin Gaye, you’ve probably seen the picture on the left, as it was the cover art for his 1983 album I Want You. The image on the right though is just an image of a party someone took with a bad snapchat filter. But the real magical part is what a few Urban Chameleons on Twitter did with it. A few people actually did end up painting it to create a powerful cultural parallel between two images. Here are two of those painting.
And here’s the finished product!
“Kickback” x Bobby Hill
Acrylic on 16×20 canvas
(Prints available for purchase in website- see next tweet) pic.twitter.com/0RRHvylwYO
— badgyal (@khafeeon) May 25, 2017
This def would look good in a dorm room.
Finally finished! 😅 pic.twitter.com/F2BhbPsztn
— Sandra Ojuri (@_Sandra_O) May 25, 2017
This one really captures the passion in the guy in the back’s face.
Three works of art portraying carefree Black people. Now that’s magical.
4. Black Twitter Loves These Kindergarteners
My sister graduated from Kindergarten today, she’s been talking about this little boy all year. Guess that’s her boyfriend 😂🙄💕 pic.twitter.com/X6PSd2SMjs
— cutegirlgee (@oneliddoflacka) May 25, 2017
He’s smiling at her smiling while he’s taking her pic and she’s smiling at him smiling while she’s taking his I just can’t 😩who cut onions? pic.twitter.com/t7yYwA4hJK
— THE MF JAS (@jasminedelisa) May 26, 2017
It’s the end of the school year for all grade levels and Black Twitter has caught the feels over this post. Maybe it’s because these two have graduated and we feel happy in their success. Or maybe it’s just nice to see Black children happy and unbothered. Whatever it is, you can’t say it’s not incredibly cute.
5. Amy Who-mer?
— NBA (@NBA) May 22, 2017
Don’t ever disrespect Dave Chappelle like this ever again. https://t.co/XhiLCJpOEw
— Kay-gan (@kaegann) May 22, 2017
Dave Chappell? Being a fan of Amy Schumer? That’s like Kanye being a fan of Taylor Swift; will never happen ever.
Dave would have to set his expectations real low to like any of Amy Schumer’s bad and sometimes borderline racist jokes. She’s said some cringe-worthy things. Whoever is running the NBA’s twitter account must not hang around the Black players that dominate the game, because they love Chappelle. And Black Twitter definitely was not feeling it.
— Jordan Heck (@JordanHeckFF) May 22, 2017
Get the social media person a full boxset of Chappelle specials, that’ll help them past their media career.
6. Graduates Walk Out on Pence
Students at University of Norte Dame walked out of their graduation as soon as Mike Pence took the stage to speak pic.twitter.com/JQPxQ4LqAB
— ➰ (@FreeLaddin) May 21, 2017
This is very self-explanatory, and also very much warranted on the graduate’s side.
When one of the top government lizards enters your graduation, invading your special day, while messing up the education system even more in the background lowkey, you can’t do anything but leave. Especially when a walk out like this is so effective, think about it. All the organizers and the speaker have a strict agenda for the day, and when a bunch of students get up and leave it’s extremely obvious because it disrupts the atmosphere of the situation.
Plus Trump supporters really can’t stand protest, so it’s better you get your diploma in the mail than listen to someone like #IncompePence. Get it, “incompetence” + “Pence…” we’re thinking about the future administration here.
7. N Word Offender Gets Slapped
The guy tells the bus driver to pull over so he can slap the shit out of this racist lady and dip 💀 pic.twitter.com/ju5XjCQHoP
— Kay-gan (@kaegann) May 23, 2017
Y’know as an Urban Chameleon, you don’t ever want to be seen as a violent person. But white people be takin it too far sometimes.
All I’m saying is that not every Black person you choose to call the n-word is going to respond to it well, or what is deemed as “appropriate.” Just saying…you might get your eye-ball slapped out your head with the swiftest motion.
But what’s funny about this video is that the Black guy asks that white woman repeatedly to call him the n-word again, but he actually already was planning to slap the racist out of her when he told the bus driver to open the door. He was already planning the escape; the righteous slap of justice had already been ordained. He was but a champion of divine retribution.
— Matthew A. Cherry (@MatthewACherry) June 1, 2017
Some Realtor: “That’s right everyone we are bringing the water-front beach homes to YOU in a couple years right through your backyard with our new ‘climate-change’ program! It involves a couple decades of melting ice-caps that will flood your yard with tropical fish!”
This Climate change program could be possible because Trump doesn’t believe in climate change and has backed out of the Paris Climate Agreement. This agreement just basically makes it so that countries would urge each other to be environmentally conscious.
But here’s the real gag. 195 countries signed onto it in 2016. This is a list of those right now who won’t be participating anymore:
- The United States
This can only be a testament to how Trump truly does not know anything.
9. A New Blue
“On crip” https://t.co/XHtBM9K3VC
— Chad Butler Jr. (@TheDreNigga) May 31, 2017
On crip deadass dis the bluest blue I ever seen… on moms I’m bout tuh paint da best rainbow ever.
Imagine a gangsta saying that while pulling out the most vivid blue out of a crayon box. That’s a visual representation of an Urban Chameleon’s life. Oh and if you didn’t know, a “Crip” is a person who in the “Crip” gang, known for their blue bandanas. If you’re a fan of Snoop Dog you’ll know what we’re talking about. You could imagine him saying “Crip-ing out the coup, blue rims blue doors, got some blue crayons too.”
Actually maybe not but it would be real funny.